WeeZAR

I did it. I went to set with Jade and met Weezer.......sort of.....

I was introduced to these guys while I was in junior high over a decade ago....a decade and a half ago with their beautifully crafted hit single "Buddy Holly", directed by creative genius Spike Jonze, who's talent no doubt helped thrust them into the star studded spotlight.






I purchased the Blue Album at a small record store called Music and Sound on Main St. in Mitchell, South Dakota from a man with a blond mullet and two different colored socks named Bob. It was one of the first albums I ever bought and I listened to it in my basement relentlessly while I lifted weights and had teen angst.



They were brilliant. They later released Pinkerton, which, while much different from The Blue Album, is genius in it's own acoustic rock-a-holic way.



Later came The Green Album, Maladroit, Make Believe and The Red Album (named after a red sports car because lead singer Cuomos wanted it to feel FAST and DANGEROUS).










I own them all but The Blue Album is the only one I've ever purchased. My friend Jon Parrish burned Pink and Green for me, I stole (literally stole) Maladroit from my friend Brett Jones in college - he was against burning music and wouldn't let me copy it so I had to break into his room while he was in class, rip-off all his CDs, sneak them back to my room, rip them and sneak them back in. Make Believe and The Red Album I both downloaded illegally drag me to jail.

I've met a few celebrities since I've been out here and have been unphased by them all. Why? Because I think most of the things they've done are trash. Example: Val Kilmer. 'Nuff said.

SO, I went to the studio where they were shooting and I saw them and my genitals crept up inside of me and my stomach twisted into knots and my throat went dry and DAMNIT, BROOKBANK!!! GET YOUR S TOGETHER - YOU GOTTA BE COOOOOL OR THEY WON'T LIKE YOU!!!

I NEEDED them to notice me. I NEEDED to talk to them. I NEEDED to somehow initiate conversation, especially with the little one - the lead singer....RIVERS Cuomo. I NEED to make him laugh. If I'm lucky I will touch him - shake his hand, ruffle his hair.

During Day One I manage to casually coax rhythm guitarist Brian Bell, pictured below being carried by his bandmates...



....into a double game of Foos-Ball where Jade and I proceed to slaughter he and his teammate (the Weezer roadie, Alex). Brian keeps complaining that he didn't know you could spin the men because that's not allowed in tourney play. Oh geez - Foos Ball is a man's game and there are no place for women. I already have a bad taste in my mouth with the guitar player. Jade slams the winning goal and I point right at his face and scream "HAHAHA! EF-YOU!" I can't remember if I actually used "the word" or just the abbreviation.

Later, trapped in a van with the entire band, Patrick, the drummer.....



...is talking about how they can't play China and I ask him why and he gives me some crazy answer about their lyrics but I think he was just brushing me off and it made me want to open the side door of the van and kick him into oncoming traffic.

Scott - the bassist, and third the band has had - was pretty nice.



His kid showed up on set (a 15 month old named Tsukura or Terkhul or something) and we chatted a bit about that. He was polite and laughed and made lots of jokes.

At one point I tried talking to the manager, Bob or Dan or Alex or Steve or I really don't care what his name is because I really don't care who he is and I wasn't talking to him to say I did, but just because he was standing RIGHT next to me at the skate park we were shooting at and he had on this really stupid backwards hat that totally didn't match his business attire and you could tell he was trying to be hip with the kids but it just wasn't working and he had some nice HD cameras that I wanted to know more about so I tried talking to him about them and he sort of just pushed me off and I wanted to crack his skull open with a skateboard because he made me feel about two feet tall but then I realized he was an idiot that had lost touch with civilization and the entire generation he was trying to promote to.

DAY TWO.

It is my last day to make contact with Rivers Cuomo, who I believe to be a musical genius. He's been very quiet and I haven't seen him smile. He seems to have a tendency to stick to himself and not talk.

We are all standing on a corner, waiting to cross. It says walk and the band and photographer start to go. Rivers is on the ground behind me with a small group of other people - my wife, the make-up person, clothing, some other people - and he's tying his shoes...actually, the wardrobe person is tying his shoes FOR him. I don't know what that was all about. I wait for him - I'd LOVE to be stopped on a corner with him, maybe give me an opportunity to spark a conversation...

I glance behind me and he is gone. I glance back to the street and see him darting across with only three seconds left before the lights change. Now I'm trapped on the side with my wife and nobody famous and awesome.

As soon as it switches back I run across, screaming in my head that you MUST initiate conversation. I've smiled at him a few times in passing and it's just not cutting it. I take my camera - I'm there shooting all the behind the scenes stuff, so it's okay to be close to them - and begin shooting. At one point Rivers comes and stands right next to me and I almost lose control of my bowels.



I say "screw it" (in my head) and turn to him and say, "Hey, I've been watching your "Let's Write a Sawng" series on youtube - it's pretty cool."

It's this thing he's doing where he has people submit small parts of songs they've written and lyrics and he pieces them all together or gives them direction and he's orchestrating this peice put together by the youtube community. Brilliant.

Anyway, he says, "oh yeah?"

And I say, "Yeah - the last one I watched was like episode 14 - how to rewrite the bridge".

And he says, "oh yeah?"

And I say, "Yeah - whaddaya plan on doing with it afterwards?"

And he says, "I don't know - I don't really have a plan"

And I say, "Oh".

And then he walks away and says to Sean, the photographer, "Am I wrapped for the day?"

And Sean says "yes" and Rivers walks out of my life, probably forever, leaving me completely and utterly unsatisfied with my rockstar superstar star-star super heroes.

I don't like this story. Here's the one I WANTED to tell....

I show up to set and Scott tells me that he really likes my Seattle Space Needle shirt. I thank him graciously and inquire as to how the shoot is going so far. He tells me in a brief, but intense, 3-4 minute conversation.

Jade takes me to the back to show me where the snacks are and on the way I accidentally bump into Rivers, who is standing with Pat and I just say, "excuse me" and "hi" and stick out my hand and introduce myself and he shakes my hand and says, "Rivers - thanks for helping out today". Pat just nods to me and I say "hey" and then grab some agua.

On my way back Brian has joined the small tribe, as has the wardrobe and make-up person and I stop to talk to them and make some joke about something that I would think of on the spot and everyone (including Rivers and now Brian as well) would laugh at.

I'd walk off and the shoot would proceed as normal. Occasionally I would make jokes and we'd chat and become pretty good set friends. At the end maybe I could do a small high-5 and a little fist bump.


I'm going to go take some Xanax and try not to hang myself.