Saturday, November 28, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Today Milly shouted at me from her apartment window. Since she doesn't own a computer I can only assume she was writing a letter or a book.

MILLY: How do you spell "shucks"?

ME: S-H-U-C-K-S

MILLY: How do you spell "awe"

ME: A-W-E if you're in awe or A-H-H-H-H-H with an exclamation point if you're screaming.

MILLY: How do you spell "Swayze"?

ME: Swayze? Like Patrick Swayze? S-W-A-Y-Z-E

MILLY: How do you spell "hidey-ho"?

ME: What are you doing?

Milly promptly shut her blinds.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

There was a little lizard in my kitchen......a lizard or a baby alligator.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I don't say bad things about ethnic people.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Can I borrow your fire pit? My garbage can is full and I need to burn some of my trash...

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

You look just like that lumbering retard from the back.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I've never had a manicure. Why would I pay a hundred dollars to have some Asian lady cut my toenails when I can bite them off for free?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Is that bum sunbathing?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I'm goin' psycho. Like psycho-psycho.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

MILLY: What are those desks called?

ME: Desks.

MILLY: The ones you had in elementary school?

ME: Desks.

MILLY: The ones with the chairs?

ME: Desks.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I don't eat at Taco Bell. I don't eat anything from third world countries.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

ME: "Hey, Milly, if you had Siamese twins would you separate them?"

MILLY: "I'd probably abort them."

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

"Drive faster. You just got passed by a Chinese grandpa."

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

"I hate my house, it's just walls."