Saturday, June 27, 2009


Jade is at a wedding and I'm stuck at home, listening to my Latino neighbors celebrate the death of Michael Jackson. Every few moments I hear a Spanish influenced "yeee-heee!!" or "Oww!". I imagine them grabbing their crotches (hopefully their own) and trying to moonwalk, warm Tecate and Dos Equis cervesa dribbling down their shirts, matting them to their hairy chests. Right now it's "......the way you make me feel! You really tuuuurn me on!"

I was watching Pirahna II: The Spawning when I decided to take a break and get some writing done. i've been working on editing Patrick and Molly and all the small things and have finished rough cuts of three spots with a fourth about 1/3 of the way done.

My landlord came over the other day to appraise our house. He does this occasionally. I don't know what gives. I have a sneaking suspicion that someday a middle aged man with a blond crew cut and a red tie is going to be standing at my door telling me that "you have two days to evacuate the premises. Your house has been placed under..........some kind of..........government......repossession program". Once the government gets involved, you're toast. I just finished The Grapes of Wrath. Trust me. I know.

Government jobs. Mail people. Mailmen. Mail Women. Male Women. I had a mail woman come to my house the day before last. She walked into my fenced off front yard while the front door was open and three dogs greeted her with vicious, slobbering barks. War cries. Sound the alarms. Jade and I are babysitting our friend's little dog, Rilo, so he was in tow as well.

I saw the mail lady through the window. She had taken our outgoing mail when the Calvary showed up. She began stumbling backwards, towards the gate, behaving as though her legs had locked up in fear. She dropped my mail and tripped through the gate, just getting it closed before the big dog took her face off with it's soft, ticklish tongue.

I came out and smiled at her and said, "sorry" BUT it was too late for that. She had been..........what? She was afraid? Angry? Probably both. I went over and picked up my mail and apologized again. She yelled at me and said I wasn't supposed to have my dogs out. I told her it was 9:30 and our usual mail PERSON (gender friendly) didn't normally come until some time between 11 and 2. She didn't care. I paid rent in this house and I lived here and gosh darn it, it was my responsibility to keep my animals TRAPPED inside my house from 9 to 5 because no one knows when the post is going to arrive.

i walked to the fence and held out my mail to her and she said she wasn't going to take it. I laughed and asked her if I could have my mail - I could see my Netflix clutched in her right hand. She said no. Try to imagine this now, I know it's difficult, but, a little more sternly I say, "Can I have my mail???" and she says, "No. I'm going to keep this. I'm keeping your mail". And then she walked off and hasn't been back is the second day we haven't received our mail after the incident (POST incident, get it???) so three days altogether.

i didn't call her supervisor and complain about her going Jihad on me because I could sort of understand her human emotion. She WAS angry. She WAS scared and her hormones were probably firing off like crazy. Oh well. When my Netflix finally shows up at least I'll get all three of them in one day!!!

But anyway, my landlord. He comes over the other day to appraise our house and gets here ONE HOUR early. Is there such a thing as being TOO punctual? Yes.

So he comes in and we sit down and begin chatting. He's this guy from Iran named Ebe (EE-BEE) as in, Ebeneezer. Imagine Borat without the moustache.


So we're talking about travel and I'm telling him that Jade and I would like to see some other countries. Really just DIG IN and check out THE WORLD. He tells me that if HE had lots of money, he'd visit North Carolina and see Mount Rushmore. I don't bother correcting him but say that I've seen Mount Rushmore and tell him that it's incredible. He tells me he doesn't understand why anyone would want to go to Egypt to see a 10,000 year old pyramid. "They are smelly and spongy and old". If you want to see a pyramid, just go to Las Vegas to the Lux and see a brand new one! It's NEW!

These are quotes.

We're talking about pyramids and then he says, "I have joke for you - I read it on internet. Man, it is his birthday and he, he get up and his wife say nothing to him so he go downstairs and his kids, they say nothing to him, so he says nothing and goes to work..............

I thought that was the punch line so I let a small smile creep across my face and prepared to do my patented fake laugh if he didn't start talking soon. He continues.....

"So, so man go to work and his secretary, she says, you know - "Happy Birthday!" and the man is happy and she says to him, "You know, it is your birthday. You should - we should go to get lunch" and the man, you know, he say ok and they leave and get lunch and they finish lunch and the secretary, she say, "You know, it is such a nice day - let's not go back to the office - let's go to the beach!"

Cue fake laughter?? What is happening?

No. He continues.

And so the man, he say, "Let me go back to my place and get my swimming wear" and so they do. They go back. And the man says, "Let me just go up to my bedroom and change" and he goes and he's changing and then it is his wife and kids and friends and family and secretary in his bedroom and they shout, you know, "Happy Birthday!!!" and the man, he is sitting on his bed, naked!!!

Cue laughter.

I say, "Oh man - that's horrible! That would be so embarrassing!!"

The music next door has died down. I wonder if they're having a moment of silence for you-know-who. I saw some people selling MJ shirts online yesterday. It had his silhouette on it, standing on his toes and it said, "Long live the King". I suppose they meant it to be very sentimental but it seemed really morbid to me, you know, all things considered.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Got up this morning with the sore throat Jade has been complaining about for the last few days (swine flu??). She asked if I could grab her some Mucinex from the bathroom medicine cabinet. I entered, searched for it, and found the laxative jar. I had an overwhelming and nearly unstoppable urge to give her the little white pill instead of the cornflour blue one. Can you imagine? We're cleaning the house today and every fifteen minutes Jade has to excuse herself and keeps telling me that if I REALLY have what she has, I'm gonna be in big trouble in about two days.

THAT, however, would be cruel and so I gave her the appropriate over-the-counter drug.

I spent all day yesterday digitizing our "Patrick and Molly all all the small things" tapes into my system with the use of my friend's HD deck. It's been about six weeks since we've shot them and now I can finally get moving onto editing them.......once I finish this music video I'm cutting.........once I finish my work over at three weeks.........

Prolonging the situation is sort of nice because it allows you to enjoy the ride for a bit. It's like getting trapped on a roller coaster or maybe just slouching down in the back seat and insisting to the carny that you just got on. It's sort of like that extended pleasure. Or it's like the Harry Potter movies and how they're turning the final book into two separate films. This upsets many people because they want to just get hit once, hard, like "Titanic", but I'm pleased with the "Kill Bill" decision to split it up. I want to see it done right prolongs the ride.

I also believe that titles of movies are supposed to be italicized and not in quotes, but I can't figure out where the italicize button is at on here so we'll have to work with what works.

My friend Jonathan called me the other day and said he was on set and they were lacking a bit of help. They were looking specifically for an assistant camera person, a position which I have almost no experience with. I've done it twice in the past seven years and both times I have been shouted at on set by some power craving bonehead who believes he knows what he's doing better than I do.........and while that's is my opinion that shouting should be reserved for blogs when no one can actually hear you.

When I first showed up to set, my initial impression of what I had just gotten myself into materialized when I noticed the craft service table (snack table, which is generally filled with water, pretzels, chips, donuts, fruit, crackers, goldfish, nutritional bars, gum, etc) was curled up nakedly with one bag of bite sized snickers and a satchel of gummy worms. Six hours later the bottled water ran out and the plastic cups were brought on. Thirty minutes later the plastic cups were gone. When the camera guy asked the producer where the plastic cups were, he just matter-of-factly pointed to the trash can and said, "in there. Just pull one out. It's just water".

And the camera guy did.....and then I did.....and then I wanted to burn down this guy's house and all of his really stupid artwork with it. You see, the writer was the producer was the actor and was one of the occupants that lived in the house we were shooting in. Little swiss army knife with long legs and an "I hate Obama" shirt on.

There was no sound guy. There was sound equipment but no one to operate it. Mostly it was just this guy named Yams who kept holding the boom mic, but then, mysteriously, he was gone and then back and then gone for longer and then back and then people started asking where it was he kept disappearing to and no one knew. I thought he was hiding in the bathroom playing his Gameboy that he kept pulling out on set. One time I saw him just sitting on the couch with his shoes off, playing it while everyone else worked. Another time I saw him standing on the couch (just standing there while the guy who owned the place stared at him, incredulously) adjusting something. Yams told him it was okay for him to stand on his couch because he took his dirty shoes off. It was ridiculous. Another time he was just digging around in this guy's kitchen cabinets, looking for things and then he was shouting and I realized he was born with no "inside voice" the way some people are born without arms or pinky toes. Everything he said was shouted, no matter if you were in the other room or right next to him or down the block it was just him screaming into your face and the AD shouting at him to be quiet and the director pulling his finger across his throat and Yams having no idea what was happening, playing his Gameboy and crawling into a strangers bed and not flushing toilets afterwards and just being generally distasteful. That said, I found him to be the perfect secret weapon for getting back at the guy who lived there since he made me drink from a trash can cup.

About halfway through the day the guy who owned the house showed up and asked us all if we could just "keep it down a bit, he was trying to work". Sure. There were only roughly 20 of us hauling heavy equipment from room to room with no walkie-talkies. We'll just tippy toe around and whisper in one another's ears so you can check your facebook account on your laptop. However, I can neither vouch for, nor control, Yams. He will just be screaming at top decibel for the rest of his life.

When Yams finally had disappeared for quite a long time, the duty of sound person was bestowed upon the gaffer. When the gaffer found that he couldn't do light AND sound simultaneously, seeing as how he wasn't an octo-armed freak, born of the octo-mother, it was gifted to the set photographer....who was a girl in bright red spandex and a bull ring in her nose with no set experience. The refrigerator ran through takes. The air conditioner turned on in the middle of takes. The sprinklers outside turned on and off. There was this REALLY loud ticking clock. I kept mentioning it but nobody seemed to care. The director would say, "Nice call, but I don't think it's a big deal. I can barely hear it". Well, GUY, you don't have headphones on and aren't monitoring the sound, so maybe you should check.

At some point you just have to count your losses and decide that this is not YOUR project but rather, you are just an audience member watching something crumble before it is completely built.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


I just purchased a fabulous VHS camera off of Craigslist in brand new working condition for thirty BUCKS!!! The guy even gave me a broken camera in case the good one broke down we could try to fix it. He lived in West Hollywood, had bleached white hair, a yellow tanktop, zero body fat, shaved legs and armpits and kept saying, "snazzy dazzle". If you really wanna put a face with a body, he really looked like Gunther from friends meets Daniel Craig from James Bond, only pretty old.

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The car got too hot for my dogs and the big one threw up all over in it. It's just stewing out there and I feel like I should probably go clean it up or tell Jade to take the other car to dance class but I don't know. Maybe it's funnier if she just smells festering vomit halfway to Silverlake.

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The Lost Episodes

Well, well, well, ain't that swell. I'm trying to write a blog at least every other day this week. I think it's sort of therapeutic. It's like talking to a counselor except instead I get to talk to everyone I know all at once about my dirty laundry and let them judge me in the secret quietness of their own hearts.

Jade just went to the bedroom and said, "my dog gave me an STD". I think she was talking to herself so I'm not really sure what to make of that or what that makes of me. We had a slapping contest today. Some of you may think that sounds trashy. That's okay. Jade was raised in a trailer so she's used to males drinking beer and beating her up, usually in the presence of their mullet.

We were arguing over who does more work for the others business and she said that she wanted to slap me and I took it there and laid it on her while she was driving......after I yanked the steering wheel out from under her hands. She acted appalled, like she hadn't suggested the exact same thing a moment ago and then slapped me, right while she was driving. I was appalled. She told me she wanted to slap me again. I just screamed TRUCE because I was afraid.

My friend Scott got a job shooting and editing Denzel Washington's birthday surprise. I guess a bunch of his friends are putting together a deal where they all reenact scenes from movies he's been in. It sounds pretty cool. For those of you completely out of touch with culture, I've included some photos of D.W.:

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Here he is just lookin' good.

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Here he is playing a general in war.

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Here he is playing Bob Marley.

I just finished watching The Foot Fist Way - this movie about Tae Kwan Do. It was pretty good. Here's the trailer:

Jade is in the other room reading my webisodes - the ones I've been frigging SLAVING over for the last month and there is absolutely NO laughter coming from in there, not even a frigging giggle and I'm thinking that project is probably scrapped.

I finished that Behind-the-Scenes thing for Weezer and the photog - OHHH!! A LAUGH!!!! - maybe there's effin'-A hope after all......

....anyway, the photographer was really stoked about them ( He sent it right over to the bands manager because he said he was going to just crap his pants when he saw it. That's pretty cool. Maybe Rivers Cuomo will see my piece and be so utterly and insanely impressed he will specifically request that I edit their - ANOTHER LAUGH!!!!!! - next music video.


I want to get a sketch book and start drawing but lately whenever I start to doodle I just keep drawing the same things over and over again - there's this guy in a suit with a crow's head and a super long beak, a mammoth strong man and a robot with a little wheel instead of a body. Sometimes I wish I could draw - REALLY draw. Like bust a move. I went to high school with this kid named Steve Epp (Ep?) who could draw. So envious. My brother Jared can draw and it sickens me because he's so frigging incredible. He paints and doesn't know what to do with any of it. I tell him he should paint something, sign it (he signs them JxRxD) and then just set them on the street (he lives in Bozeman, Montana so there's a BIT of an art community happening) and just let people find them and take them home. People would say, "Oh, you found a JARED!!!??? I'm always looking....."

We're spending our days seeking out investors and attempting to set up an LLC and an escrow account for the film. Some people say you should have investors BEFORE you set up an LLC, some say after. I don't think anyone knows fer sher.

That's it. Nothing else to report on....


.....okay, as I was pasting in photos for this stupid thing, Jade let me know that she has finished the web series and probably what's going to happen is that we'll be passing on this little prospect, so if anybody is looking for an eight episode web series that is open to a tiny rewrite (or maybe you'll LOVE it and it's just a difference in taste) you're more than welcome to have these.

F me runnin'.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Full Enchilada

The Breakfast Burrito of Rivers Cuomo lies dormant in my fridge. I don't want to say I "stole" it from set - it just somehow ended up in my car with some other stuff.... coca cola, hard drive, lock of River's hair.....i love you.....

I just found this video and it's sort of changed my mind about him. Maybe he's just shy. Maybe he's not a D-hole. Perhaps he was legitimately afraid of me. Sometimes people are afraid of me. One time I just started screaming in this old ladies face at McDonald's. I screamed, "ARE YOU AFRAAAAAAAIIIDDD????" and she said, "YES!!!!" and i said, "YOU SHOULDN'T BE!!! YOU'RE ON SCAAAAAARE TACTIIIIIICS!!!!"

I can't tell if meeting them (The Weeze) has ruined my taste for their music or not, BUT my favorite band, Modest Mouse, came on the radio today and as I listened to Isaac Brock squeal I realized that I never wanted to meet him. I bet he's a big, fat, hairy dick and I'd rather just suspect it than actually confirm it.

I've been working on writing a web series over the course of the past few weeks. I don't talk about it. I don't talk about anything when I'm writing...about what I'm writing. I lie in secret and type things, erase them, retype them. I hit a writer's block about a week and a half ago and have been stuck since. Everything I write is forced and stupid and I hate it. I imagine that's how the guy that wrote Inspector Gadget with Matthew Broderic(k?) feels about almost everything he does.

Jade was watching "The Wedding Planner" the other day with Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughy and I was thinking, "if you did something on this film....wrote it, directed it......served lunch on it....would you / could you be at all proud?" There are just certain things that totally escape me. I just could not EVER imagine myself sitting down to write Maid in Manhattan and actually be able to take myself seriously. Maybe it's just me.

I just finished this movie last night called Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain - I really wanted to post a trailer because it was so frigging good with really bad Irish accents but I couldn't find anything.

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Contrary to Jenna Jameson acting in it and the word "breed" being in the title, this is not a porno. It is a legitimate horror film.

In it's place I'll be putting THIS clip from a movie called The Breed (different from Evil Breed - THE Breed is about a pack of mutant dogs that don't look mutant at all that attack a group of teenagers camping on an empty island. EVIL Breed is about a group of "evil imbred forces that pick off young Americans one by one". That's right from the box.)


That was gold and you probably agree.

Sometimes when I'm driving around, I'll have my music at a pretty standard level, but then, when I approach some people on the sidewalk or if I'm driving through a crowd, I turn it up really loud - louder than is standard - just so people can hear my really loud screaming music and think that I'm really cool. Once I get away from them I turn it down because it hurts my ears.

She-Devil and I went out to sushi the other night with some friends. It was pretty cool. One of my buddies has recently developed Bell's Palsy....something like that - it makes half of his face go on strike. I told him I really liked it because it gave him a sort of John Wayne drawl - and it really did and I really meant it. It's supposed to go away in a few weeks with some pills that he's taking so I suggest he go out and just be the biggest badass pirate type he can be for the next half a month because after that - back to normal. BOOOOOOOO-RIIIIIIING.

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I almost choked on a piece of sushi. It was too big and I put it all in my mouth anyway (second time in my life I've had to say THAT) and I just couldn't chew or move it around because it filled my cheeks and pinned down my tongue and it was blocking my throat. Then people started to laugh. Then I started to laugh. Then snot blew out my nose. Then Radu (that's his magician name) was like, "Don't make him laugh!" I was going to die or at least pass out and I was certain the only one who was able to do anything about it would be The Pirate and he was all the way across the table and I was pinned against the wall in between The Magician and the She-Devil.

Wipe snot away.

Wipe mouth with snot-free part of napkin.

Force tongue to snap sushi in two.


Tell someone else (pirate?) to eat second HUGE sushi. He does and completes it with more grace than I will ever have, even with only half the functionality of his mouth. I was impressed to say the least.

I haven't left my house in days.

....punched in "recluse" into google image search for a visual and this came back:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic's a brown recluse bite. I suppose it's just as good as anything else I'd turn up...

When I was a kid i used to listen to my mom talk to the dogs and thought she was crazy. Now I talk to my dogs and wonder what's happened. Am I crazy or is talking to animals just part of growing up? Most of the people I know talk to animals, including Harry Potter, who talks to snakes.

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Somehow, the Boner that put the above diddy together managed to put all the time and effort into the AMAZING special effects and then dropped the ball on placing the apostrophe in the proper place.

Also, Harry Potter makes me very angry because he can do magic like my magician friend Radu and I can't.

I jumped on here since i hadn't blogged in a while thinking something would come to me if I just started writing.

Sort of feel like I've wasted our time.

I'm going to go look at Rivers' burrito.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


I did it. I went to set with Jade and met Weezer.......sort of.....

I was introduced to these guys while I was in junior high over a decade ago....a decade and a half ago with their beautifully crafted hit single "Buddy Holly", directed by creative genius Spike Jonze, who's talent no doubt helped thrust them into the star studded spotlight.

I purchased the Blue Album at a small record store called Music and Sound on Main St. in Mitchell, South Dakota from a man with a blond mullet and two different colored socks named Bob. It was one of the first albums I ever bought and I listened to it in my basement relentlessly while I lifted weights and had teen angst.

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They were brilliant. They later released Pinkerton, which, while much different from The Blue Album, is genius in it's own acoustic rock-a-holic way.

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Later came The Green Album, Maladroit, Make Believe and The Red Album (named after a red sports car because lead singer Cuomos wanted it to feel FAST and DANGEROUS).

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I own them all but The Blue Album is the only one I've ever purchased. My friend Jon Parrish burned Pink and Green for me, I stole (literally stole) Maladroit from my friend Brett Jones in college - he was against burning music and wouldn't let me copy it so I had to break into his room while he was in class, rip-off all his CDs, sneak them back to my room, rip them and sneak them back in. Make Believe and The Red Album I both downloaded illegally drag me to jail.

I've met a few celebrities since I've been out here and have been unphased by them all. Why? Because I think most of the things they've done are trash. Example: Val Kilmer. 'Nuff said.

SO, I went to the studio where they were shooting and I saw them and my genitals crept up inside of me and my stomach twisted into knots and my throat went dry and DAMNIT, BROOKBANK!!! GET YOUR S TOGETHER - YOU GOTTA BE COOOOOL OR THEY WON'T LIKE YOU!!!

I NEEDED them to notice me. I NEEDED to talk to them. I NEEDED to somehow initiate conversation, especially with the little one - the lead singer....RIVERS Cuomo. I NEED to make him laugh. If I'm lucky I will touch him - shake his hand, ruffle his hair.

During Day One I manage to casually coax rhythm guitarist Brian Bell, pictured below being carried by his bandmates...

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....into a double game of Foos-Ball where Jade and I proceed to slaughter he and his teammate (the Weezer roadie, Alex). Brian keeps complaining that he didn't know you could spin the men because that's not allowed in tourney play. Oh geez - Foos Ball is a man's game and there are no place for women. I already have a bad taste in my mouth with the guitar player. Jade slams the winning goal and I point right at his face and scream "HAHAHA! EF-YOU!" I can't remember if I actually used "the word" or just the abbreviation.

Later, trapped in a van with the entire band, Patrick, the drummer.....

Image and video hosting by TinyPic talking about how they can't play China and I ask him why and he gives me some crazy answer about their lyrics but I think he was just brushing me off and it made me want to open the side door of the van and kick him into oncoming traffic.

Scott - the bassist, and third the band has had - was pretty nice.

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His kid showed up on set (a 15 month old named Tsukura or Terkhul or something) and we chatted a bit about that. He was polite and laughed and made lots of jokes.

At one point I tried talking to the manager, Bob or Dan or Alex or Steve or I really don't care what his name is because I really don't care who he is and I wasn't talking to him to say I did, but just because he was standing RIGHT next to me at the skate park we were shooting at and he had on this really stupid backwards hat that totally didn't match his business attire and you could tell he was trying to be hip with the kids but it just wasn't working and he had some nice HD cameras that I wanted to know more about so I tried talking to him about them and he sort of just pushed me off and I wanted to crack his skull open with a skateboard because he made me feel about two feet tall but then I realized he was an idiot that had lost touch with civilization and the entire generation he was trying to promote to.


It is my last day to make contact with Rivers Cuomo, who I believe to be a musical genius. He's been very quiet and I haven't seen him smile. He seems to have a tendency to stick to himself and not talk.

We are all standing on a corner, waiting to cross. It says walk and the band and photographer start to go. Rivers is on the ground behind me with a small group of other people - my wife, the make-up person, clothing, some other people - and he's tying his shoes...actually, the wardrobe person is tying his shoes FOR him. I don't know what that was all about. I wait for him - I'd LOVE to be stopped on a corner with him, maybe give me an opportunity to spark a conversation...

I glance behind me and he is gone. I glance back to the street and see him darting across with only three seconds left before the lights change. Now I'm trapped on the side with my wife and nobody famous and awesome.

As soon as it switches back I run across, screaming in my head that you MUST initiate conversation. I've smiled at him a few times in passing and it's just not cutting it. I take my camera - I'm there shooting all the behind the scenes stuff, so it's okay to be close to them - and begin shooting. At one point Rivers comes and stands right next to me and I almost lose control of my bowels.

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I say "screw it" (in my head) and turn to him and say, "Hey, I've been watching your "Let's Write a Sawng" series on youtube - it's pretty cool."

It's this thing he's doing where he has people submit small parts of songs they've written and lyrics and he pieces them all together or gives them direction and he's orchestrating this peice put together by the youtube community. Brilliant.

Anyway, he says, "oh yeah?"

And I say, "Yeah - the last one I watched was like episode 14 - how to rewrite the bridge".

And he says, "oh yeah?"

And I say, "Yeah - whaddaya plan on doing with it afterwards?"

And he says, "I don't know - I don't really have a plan"

And I say, "Oh".

And then he walks away and says to Sean, the photographer, "Am I wrapped for the day?"

And Sean says "yes" and Rivers walks out of my life, probably forever, leaving me completely and utterly unsatisfied with my rockstar superstar star-star super heroes.

I don't like this story. Here's the one I WANTED to tell....

I show up to set and Scott tells me that he really likes my Seattle Space Needle shirt. I thank him graciously and inquire as to how the shoot is going so far. He tells me in a brief, but intense, 3-4 minute conversation.

Jade takes me to the back to show me where the snacks are and on the way I accidentally bump into Rivers, who is standing with Pat and I just say, "excuse me" and "hi" and stick out my hand and introduce myself and he shakes my hand and says, "Rivers - thanks for helping out today". Pat just nods to me and I say "hey" and then grab some agua.

On my way back Brian has joined the small tribe, as has the wardrobe and make-up person and I stop to talk to them and make some joke about something that I would think of on the spot and everyone (including Rivers and now Brian as well) would laugh at.

I'd walk off and the shoot would proceed as normal. Occasionally I would make jokes and we'd chat and become pretty good set friends. At the end maybe I could do a small high-5 and a little fist bump.

I'm going to go take some Xanax and try not to hang myself.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Joad

Jade is back. I can finally stop having sex with my pillows. Life is good again. My job over at BRAVO! ended last Friday. I'm trying to slip back into days but it's turning out to be quite difficult. I can't sleep at night and I can't seem to roll from bed until noon and then am exhausted during the day. I've tried huffing gas to wake me up but it just gives me a headache.

Jade and I are supposed to be going to set with Weezer tomorrow for the latest and last photo shoot....well....maybe not their last photo shoot, but their final album shoot. This is, contractually, their final album, I guess.

I feel like I can't wear my glasses to set because Rivers has glasses that are similar to them, maybe a little smaller, but since he has more friends I'd feel like I were somehow trying to steal his identity...WHICH I'M NOT! Plus I'm already in a band. We're called The Rubber Bands and it's just me playing the skin flute alone in the shower, sometimes with a camera, sometimes not, just depending.

We sent out our investor packet today to some investors and are really keeping our fingers crossed. We're constantly on the prowl for people who want to get involved. Know someone? SEND EM OUR WAY, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!! Geez, Louise, do I gotta beg?

Jade is in bed and I sort of wanna go mess with her but I don't wanna get in trouble. She gets cranky when you jump on top of her and start screaming that the house is on fire while she's dreaming about things.

I was walking down the street the other day and saw this older-ish Mexican guy sleeping in his truck (of course - that's all they THAT racist? I feel like it's true....I don't know). Anyway, I had an impulse to go up to this window and just begin banging on it and screaming at him until he woke up, afraid, and then I'd just run away.

At work I took a pee and then was leaving the bathroom and had the impulse to shut off the light and leave the guy taking a dump in the far stall alone in the dark.

I was at work and ate a bunch of cake - choco choco chip. This stuff was RICH and I was HUNGRY and I ate WAY TOO MUCH. I went to the bathroom because fer sher I was going to blow chunks. I barfed all over in the toilet and it was thick and brown and clumpy and I had a third and final impulse to just leave it there, splashes up on the seat, floating around in the toilet. Let someone think that someone else's bung sprung a gasket in here. It really did look like a nightmare.

I cleaned it up, flushed and washed my hands. Ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because my stomach was empty and hungry again.

I started reading "The Grapes of Wrath" earlier this week. Wow - so much better than I was anticipating. Already they've talked about a guy killing another guy with a shovel and a pig eating a live baby. The whole book paints a very unsettling, hopeless picture for the poor Joads. Joad....isn't that the space between the balls and butt hole? I should pierce my Joad.

Jade and I went to see "Drag Me to Hell" yesterday. Whoa. Didn't really want to see it but really wanted to see SOMETHING, so we caught that. Wasn't really a horror movie. More accurately described as a TERROR movie. It's just pretty spine-tingling from start to ending with, what is probably an incredible ending. Sort of predictable, but then the execution is just so flipping great and it didn't even bother me that Justin Long from the apple commercials (is that him?) was in it.

At one point this girl just screamed out loud (SOL) and then there was silence and then everyone laughed. It was such a good movie that I clapped at the end. A few other people started to join me but then it died and we all felt QUITE foolish.

Today Jade and I watched "Rumplestiltskin". Incredible. I think the trailer pretty much sums it up nicely - oh, and the last line is probably the best thing. Very cinematic. Very brilliant.

I can't tell if this is funny or scary or silly or what, but it's goin' up!

Started watching a new webisode series called "Douchebag Beach". It'll probably come up if you search for it on youtube. Pretty funny.

Started watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 doing "Teenage Strangler". It had it's moments.

Trying to set up an LLC - does ANYONE have any ideas for me? I'm trying to set one up in South Dakota. Does anyone know anyone? Anyone that's not a total Joad?
Jade just shot her first wedding, you can check it out, blog and all here:

Some pretty solid stuff up there. Man, I really should go in there and start screaming about a fire....maybe I should just start a fire.....just a little one in the corner in a garbage can.

I'm getting ready to start talking about how we made sweet and sour meatballs for dinner and truthfully, I don't want to bore you with it and I'm sort of boring myself right now.

I'll let you know how the Weezer thing goes if it goes at all.