THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF LAME

My cousin Mo and his girlfriend Juliet came to town last weekend. She'd never been here before so we took her around to all the "glamorous" hotspots of LA - the walk of fame and Santa Monica beach.....are there other hotspots? Are those hotspots? We would've taken them to Rage, this gay bar, but last time we were there a bunch of gays accosted my wife......had I protected her from their homosexual onslaught, I'm sure I would have been convicted of a gay hate crime. As it stands, no gays were harmed in the making of this blog.

The walk of lame is covered in lots of stars - most of which have names that you've never heard of before....people that have been dead and gone for longer than I've been alive. Once in a great while though, you stumble upon a star. A real, true celebrity. Today was one of those fine examples where we were allowed by the fates and powers that be to find a shining star....

I was so happy I screamed and started ripping out of my clothing.

But.....with every American dream come true, some pebble of disaster will break the looking glass. For me, that was seeing how the economy has affected even the mightiest of men.....

Superman - moving boxes like some common GRUNT! I won't stand for it......I've gotta do something......

I told Jade we needed to find a way to stimulate the economy - find some way to make more money.

Was this her idea of FUNNY?????

She just kept making the ka-ching noise over and over again - it was driving me crazy.

She finally pulled the darn things off (after much pleading for me to purchase them for her) and we saw THIS GUY crossing the street:

Is that frigging BRUCE WILLIS WITH A MOHAWK???? ARE WE IMAGINING THINGS HERE FOLKS???? The day just keeps getting better and better and believe you me when I say the best is yet to come.........

Right before we exit the boulevard, I spotted this little lady:

I went over to this chick and asked if I could have my picture taken with her. I told her she looked like my sister. She turned to me and said, "seester?" Oh dear - she doesn't speak Ingleesh. So, in hopes of her understanding me better, I said it again - slower this time and I used more hand gestures.

"Me? Seester?"
"Yeah, you! Jade, just snap the photo and let's get outta here"

Snappity snap snap.

There's no way to know, but I THINK this is my sister's doppleganger. Dictionary.com defines a doppleganger as (noun) a ghostly double or counterpart of a living person. Yeah, I'll believe that - here's a picture of my sister:

Finally we escaped the star studded street and headed back to our car - BUT WAIT!!!! There's one more surprise - looky lou!

Frigging SNOOPY walking down the street!!! it was literally 100+ degrees that day and I'm pretty sure that guy had a stroke later on and I would've PAID MONEY to see Snoopy fall to his knees in front of a group of screaming children. Not that I'm some sicko and actually DESIRE to witness that. I just think it would make good fodder for the blog. If nothing else the photo would be good.

NExT UP!
Santa Monica pier:

Here's a photo of my cousin and his girlfriend at the pier:

What I like most about it is that they're dressed like John Lennon and Yoko Ono, respectively.

Okay, I should save the best for last, but I just can't contain it any longer (and I sort of want to keep things SEMI chronological).......check out this frigging-A sweet and beautiful RAT'S NEST we caught disguised as a human head walking down the pier:

I had to get closer. I had to have a better look. I needed..........to FEEL it's presence warm me......

So beautiful. I shall name it Algernon......YES.....i will kill for you Algernon.....my life for you..................NO!!!!! I must turn away, break my gaze, talk about something else......

LA has a chain of stores - clothing stores - called Forever 21. It's for women pressing thirty who really want to "keep it up". On our way off the pier, we saw this geriatric couple carrying a little yellow bag....ten to one says it's lingerie.

BOOYA!

After exiting the weirdness of Hollywood and Malipu, we saw THIS:

What is it? A birdman? A birdman driving a car? I don't know. We didn't stop to ask. He reminded me of something from a nightmare. Why was today so WEIRD???

THEN, while driving through Malipu canyon, we saw THIS guy:

Wait....did I say GUY? I meant girl - but I didn't say anything out loud. This beefcake momma would've crushed my car behind her kneecap if she got hold of me. I just told jade to lay on the gas and then started taking pictures of myself...

What the??? Why is Slash in my backseat? And why is he not wearing his goofy tophat that no one has mentioned to him is goofy in over TWO DECADES!!!!!!??????

It was a very strange day...........