A TRAGEDY AT JORDANS ROOM

Late last night we here at JRP were sitting on our back steps, talking with John's mother on the phone when a wasp casually drifted down from it's nest above our kitchen door.

Weeks prior we'd thought about destroying it; we'd thought about crushing the nest when the wasps were least expecting it - BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!.......but we didn't. We said "live and let live" and we left the nest. The wasps weren't bothering us and that was that.

Last night that all changed. An unexpected siege was planned.

A wasp fluttered gently down from the heavens and landed by Jade, who promptly evacuated the scene. I, peaceable imbecile that I am, thought, 'I won't move, and he'll leave me alone. I'm not gonna run. I'm not gonna show fear. He'll just leave me alone."

And he did - he left me alone. He just took flight and then......landed immediately on my ankle.

I tried to keep my cool. I really did. I thought, 'Just be cool. They only bite when they're defending themselves. He won't hurt you.'

Yes, he's about the size of two quarters. Yes, if he bites or stings you, it's going to be heinous. Yes, he IS a savage - HE'S A BEAST! HE'S MALICIOUS! OUT FOR BLOOD! My calm zen quickly escalated into near hysteria without warning.

So I freaked out. The throws of frenzy and panic suddenly began pulsing through my veins. One second I was fine, the next second, the reality of me allowing a giant killer wasp to crawl up my ankle struck home and I panicked. I panicked in the worst way.

I kicked my foot. I slapped it around in the air senselessly, lost in oblivion, just wanting this thing to get off of me, hoping to use gravity as my ally to slap it into the night air.

It was gone.

I had succeeded.

Goodbye, wasp. Sleep tight. Perhaps next time we can meet as friends....and then it happend....the worst thing happened.

I felt a burn in my loins. Not a kind, romantic, slow burning ember, but a poisonous, heating, flame.

This is not a warning. This is not a joke. I had managed to kick the wasp off my ankle and UP the leg hole of my loose shorts unto which there would be found no underwear.

This wasp, vindictive, hateful, loathsome little creature that he is, found my little wee-were and dug in deep.

I tried pulling up the legs of my shorts to get him out and finally only managed to save myself when I unzipped my drawers and just let it all hang out.

The wasp flew away and I politely told my mother, 'mom. I've gotta go. A wasp just bit my dick...what do you put on wasp bites?'

For anyone wondering, APPARENTLY, meat tenderizer does the trick.

We didn't have any meat tenderizer so I just manned through it like the idiot that I am.



This morning, swelling abounds.

Think you've got problems? My wang looks like the Elephant Man.

JRP