BROWN PLATE SPECIAL

Here I sit at my computer, answering emails. Just another early afternoon at Jordans Room. Everything is pretty calm......then......an odor. It hits my nostrils like a creeping vapor.

I am immediately aware of what it is - that smell so eminent and strong, clouding in around me, overtaking my presence, my very being.

The smell of a toddler's diaper. The smell of it on your shoes. A burning bag on your front porch.

I look down and, sitting under my desk staring back at me, is my dog, Clementine. Her mouth is open and she's panting and seems to be just waiting for me to notice her.

Once I roll back to say hello, the smell increases ten fold.

I call her and she casually saunters out into the light and I gasp.

"Heavenly Father, why?"

Clementine has decided to stop, drop and roll......in a pile of.......well - you know. The brown plate special.

It is on her back, up and down her sides, COVERING her big floppy ears, on her CHEEKS, around her mouth, on her feet and she seems happy enough about it....she actually seems PLEASED with herself.

I casually follow her around, trying to get close enough to grab her collar without actually TOUCHING her and drag her to the bathroom.

I will never understand the inner workings of a creature - dog or otherwise - that revels in rolling around in the brown blanket (on a hot day, no less).

I spray her, I soap her, I spray her.

She's now staring at herself in the TV. I stand up to look at her and she says, "Life is kind when you're a Clementine".