No News is Good News at Jordan's Room: 2010

She is the Debbie-Duz.

The Debbie-Duz dishes.

The Debbie-Duz dirty laundry.

The Debbie-Duz dinner.

What else does the Debbie-Do? All this and more to be answered soon...

In high school all of my friends got excited about the weekends because it was free time to go out and drink and party. I wasn't into that whole scene. I got my rocks off staying up late, alone. I'd make Rice-a-Roni and coffee. I'd dump some frozen corn into the rice, dump some vanilla into the coffee, cover the roni in too much soy sauce and plant myself down on the couch.

Around 2am the parties would start wrapping up and people would begin finding their way home, back to their beds and spinning rooms......but my night was just starting. I would've just finished the first film in a double feature on USA Up All Night and would spend the next two hours flipping between Ronda or Gilbert Godfriend and a struggling actor X trying to sell me products that I knew I'd need once I moved out on my own. The infomercial. The Egg-Wow. The Sham-Wow. The Magic Bullet. The Snuggie. These are all inventions of the last few years, but have been preceded by the things that my dreams are made of.

Long story short - I made a parody infomercial and what follows are the photos from the shoot.

This is Sean Murphy, our A cam operator. Look at me just staring at that enormous towering inferno of hair.

Sean says, "I think we gotta shoot it from this angle. The light looks so good and I can get the camera at such a better angle - this counter is really busting my balls - what are your thoughts?"

Inside my head, where only I can hear, I say, "Look at that frigging sweet hair. It's so incredible, so....TALL. I wonder if it's soft. It's like he's LITERALLY growing cotton from his scalp. I'm so jeal -" internal monologue is cut short as I realize Sean is staring at me, waiting for me to answer a question.

Cue Jonathan Mariande.

I remember the first time I hung out with this guy. He shows up at our house for headshots via Jade. Dude presents himself in a nice sports coat and I'm thinking that he out classes me by about 30 experience points BUT THEN he says, "Do you mind?"

He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out two little sample bottles of Jack Daniels. He twists them open, slams them both in quick succession and says, "Let's do this".

I knew immediately that I had misjudged him.

Everyone has one question that they're constantly asking themselves. "Am I a good enough person?" "Will I find success at my new job?" "Does this girl like me?" The question my brother-in-law Jarod (pictured below, back and center) is forever being forced to ask himself is, "Why does my family keep giving me such horrible nicknames? Why do they call me Rodney, Rod, Hotrod and, most recently, J.T. Penney?"

...The world may never know.........REGARDLESS, he was in town over his spring break, visiting the missus and myself and was able to help us out with a few shots.

Here he is playing an imaginary game of poker with a very real Jonathan and a very tattooed Jeremy Thompson. Jeremy MF Thompson (it does not stand for Mommy Friendly) is Sean Murphy's right hand man and was operating B cam. JMFT is also a director. Here's a little video he recently did with Sean called, "Drinking Year Round".

Check it out if you get a minute.

http://vimeo.com/9928740

We had a rotisserie chicken on set. I needed it for two shots. We do the first shot and I tell Jade to put it in the fridge. A few hours later I tell Jade to fetch the chicken for its' second shot - Jarod eating it. The words are barely out of my mouth when Pat Murphy - Sean's brother and the home owner - looks at me and says, totally straight faced, "Dude, I ate that thing. Was it in the fridge? Yeah, I ate that thing. I thought you were done with it....and you know what? I don't even feel sorry. It was so good."

And with that he walked away.

We use cereal and toast for the shot instead.

Dan Lassen - in the middle - is some sort of world class fighter and professional stuntman. Half this, half that, he's a total mystery to me and 99% genius.

Jade came home the other day and said, "Dan was doing one-armed pull-ups with cinder blocks (plural) chained to his feet at the office."

He's definitely got some aces up his sleeve. He told me a story about how he threw a man to the ground and was preparing to stomp on his throat when he decided to show mercy.

FINISH HIM!!!

FATALITY!!!

Below, Jeremy Thompson demonstrates that sexy and creepy are sometimes interchangeable.

Sean showing me something. Me looking at the reflection of his hair in the camera screen. Personally I think Sean wears his hair so tall so he can get on certain rides at the fair...

I put the blanket on Dan and he says, "The window is open," and I say, "Yeah?" and he says, "Well, this guy - this guy I'm playing - he must have one serious attitude problem. I mean, the window is open and he's cold. He doesn't close the window. He gets a blanket and leaves the window open. He's got an obvious attitude and maybe even a few screws loose, huh?"

The beautiful Raphye Alexius pretending to be the real life girlfriend of Jonathan Mariande. in real life, Raphye is not the girlfriend of Jonathan. She is the real girlfriend of the real Sean Murphy.

Raphye is a photographer but used to deliver pizzas. One day a lady tipped her poorly and Raphye casually explained to her the importance of good tipping. The lady complained. Raphye was fired.

I don't know Raphye very well but that story made me like her instantly and that, friend of friends, is a truth.

Angelina Butera sends Jarod through make-up. Angelina did our make-up for Patrick and Molly and has also helped Jade on some headshot work.

She has a boat.

I tell Jarod it's not faggy to have make-up on for a movie. I tell him it's only faggy if the movie is Brokeback Mountain.

I say the word "faggy" twice more in my head and try to decide if I'd be offended by it if I were more faggy myself.

I finally decide that my brother-in-law calling me Eunice as a nickname for me being a eunich post cancer does not offend me and thus confirms my suspicions that faggy people are okay with their eponymous term.

Jarod's inner monologue: "I'm not an actor. I'm not an actor. What am I doing here? I'm going to blow this. I'm going to blow this whole thing. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool."

Sean, "The sun looks good here. Let's do this. Oh, and by the way, my fingertips smell delicious."

My inner monologue: "They both have stunning hair. I'm surrounded by people with full and luscious heads of hair. Why does my beard look like somebody Elmer glued pubes to my face?

I have nothing catchy or funny to say about the following photo.

I have no anecdotes.

I have no stories.

I have no captions.

It's just boat ownin' Angelina adjusting Debbie-Duz and Sean shooting it.

For the most part everything went really well. Sean and Jeremy locked everything up on set and Jade was awesome as usual pulling the strings behind the curtain.

Me?

I'm given just enough rope to hang myself with.

If you've haven't subscribed to our YouTube channel yet, come on over and check it out. We are username: JordansRoom. On our channel we have all of our (so far) Patrick and Molly episodes (with six more unreleased) all of our Easter promo videos, our short and ugly series and soon-soon-just-like-a-baboon, Debbie-Duz will be joining the ranks of the mediocre elite.

In the meantime I'll leave you with this little gem. It's both predictable and ridiculous but those two things are often my favorite traits in both movies and people.