THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I think I could be a really attractive man.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Today Milly shouted at me from her apartment window. Since she doesn't own a computer I can only assume she was writing a letter or a book.

MILLY: How do you spell "shucks"?

ME: S-H-U-C-K-S

MILLY: How do you spell "awe"

ME: A-W-E if you're in awe or A-H-H-H-H-H with an exclamation point if you're screaming.

MILLY: How do you spell "Swayze"?

ME: Swayze? Like Patrick Swayze? S-W-A-Y-Z-E

MILLY: How do you spell "hidey-ho"?

ME: What are you doing?

Milly promptly shut her blinds.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

There was a little lizard in my kitchen......a lizard or a baby alligator.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

You should never trust me.......I'm shady.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I don't say bad things about ethnic people.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Can I borrow your fire pit? My garbage can is full and I need to burn some of my trash...

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

You look just like that lumbering retard from the back.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I've never had a manicure. Why would I pay a hundred dollars to have some Asian lady cut my toenails when I can bite them off for free?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Is that bum sunbathing?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I'm goin' psycho. Like psycho-psycho.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

MILLY: What are those desks called?

ME: Desks.

MILLY: The ones you had in elementary school?

ME: Desks.

MILLY: The ones with the chairs?

ME: Desks.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I don't eat at Taco Bell. I don't eat anything from third world countries.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

ME: "Hey, Milly, if you had Siamese twins would you separate them?"

MILLY: "I'd probably abort them."

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

"Drive faster. You just got passed by a Chinese grandpa."

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

"I hate my house, it's just walls."