THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

That's stupid. Why are you so stupid? You're stupid. Why are you walking away?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Do you know what I'm saying or am I just on a meatball high?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Trust me, YOU are the stupid one here.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

ME: It's interesting how Pagan traditions have influenced modern day holidays.

MILLY: Like Easter.

ME: And Christmas.

MILLY: And New Years.

ME: What do you mean?

MILLY: The ball dropping...

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Hey, someone ran over some dog shit. Heh. Heh. Heh.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

(Talking to one of her many cats)

You smell like piss...Don't lick your ass while I'm talking to you!

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Before you adopt you really have to ask yourself if you're ready for the responsibility of raising a colored child.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

If I wanted my kids to write in ebonics, I'd have the neighbors teach them.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

That monkey is ugly.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Sour Patch Kids are still relevant today.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Stepped outside to take the trash out today and heard Milly speaking to her mother on the phone....

"I don't care, Mom. I don't want Grandma sticking tubes in my kids' butt!......NO! SHE'S ENEMA CRAZY!!!!"

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

MILLY: I want something sweet.

ME: I've got some Butterfinger ice cream inside.

MILLY: I don't like Butterfingers. I'm not Bart Simpson.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

AH-CHOO!...ug....you know you're getting old when you pee your pants when you sneeze...

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

ME: Hey Milly, I'll be right back, I've gotta run to the bathroom.

MILLY: Pee or poop?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I wonder if I could knit with chopsticks...

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Does my coat smell like sweat?

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

ME: Hey, Milly. You like my new sunglasses?"

MILLY: I actually hate the way you dress.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I just burped up some chili.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

I think I could be a really attractive man.

THINGS MY NEIGHBOR MILLY SAYS

Today Milly shouted at me from her apartment window. Since she doesn't own a computer I can only assume she was writing a letter or a book.

MILLY: How do you spell "shucks"?

ME: S-H-U-C-K-S

MILLY: How do you spell "awe"

ME: A-W-E if you're in awe or A-H-H-H-H-H with an exclamation point if you're screaming.

MILLY: How do you spell "Swayze"?

ME: Swayze? Like Patrick Swayze? S-W-A-Y-Z-E

MILLY: How do you spell "hidey-ho"?

ME: What are you doing?

Milly promptly shut her blinds.